BEWARE: Cat Poacher in Maine

If you are a cat living in Biddeford, Maine -- take notice!

It seems that a certain Mr. John Gold claims to have been trapping cats he finds on his lawn, then dispatching his victims to the shelter. As a former shelter inmate, I shudder to think what fate awaits them there . . .

We learn of Mr. Gold's hideous actions by a letter he posted to The New York Times Ethicist column (tomorrow's edition).

Amazingly -- Mr. Gold felt he had to turn to third-party arbitration to determine if his practice is right or wrong!

As a dog, I might be unusual in that I enjoy the company of cats (except when they play too rough). But even I know how atrocious this is.

Mr. Gold is outraged that cats may be using his lawn as a litterbox -- but he apparently hasn't bothered to find out if they are providing free, neighborly services, like rodent control.

Mr. Gold, please understand that cats (and canines) don't grasp the human concept of property ownership. We can't read deeds, we don't know what block and lot numbers mean, or mortgages or tax rolls. And cats, especially, are in the dark about the purpose of fences.

Perhaps Mr. Gold would be more successful if he employed the tools that animals do understand: When I want other dogs to know the boundaries of my territory -- I simply go around and pee on everything in my kingdom.

Mr. Gold -- just go out and pee on your property. Problem solved!